Quantity Over Quality
|Tertia See It / Know It / Find It / As It||
Hey there, LJ. Long time no see. I like your new haircut.
I'm helping run a comedy night tomorrow. I helped pick the line up. I can assure you that it is well good.
If you'd like to come FOR FREE with a plus one or two, please respond below and I'll stick you on the list. You can also PM or email me or whatever. Tickets are usually £5/7, so at £0 that's 100% off the door price.
Line-up includes fast-paced Geordie Christian Steel, Canada's Best New Comedian winner Wade McElwain and young stand-up newcomer Tasha Dhanraj. MC is the loveable Tom Bell. Headliner is Mr James Acaster.
The Vibe Bar, Brick Lane, E1.
I'll be there on the door in a red dress smiling like an idiot.
I've just sent an email to someone associated with this event (http://london.skepticsinthepub.org/Eve
Sceptics and consumer rights activists will publicly swallow an entire bottle of homeopathic 'pillules' to demonstrate that these 'remedies', prepared according to a long-discredited 18th century ritual, are nothing but sugar pills.
My email read:
Given everyone plans to consume bottles of homeopathic pills (which should obviously be fine given what they CLAIM to be) what reassurance do we have that these pills really have been prepared in a proper homeopathic way (thus rendering them harmless)?
Because I don't know about you, but I don't trust ANYTHING homeopaths say.
Please help as I want to take part!
They got back to me. They are drafting something up for their website. There will be an "approved list". I.e. detailing which products have been certified 100% homeopathic by homeopaths (i.e. completely ineffective). There are also small concerns that diabetics may not be able to take part as what you might get alongside any placebo effect, is a sugar rush.
-Commented on how hot the seat warmers in his car were. (They weren't on).
-Talked about HIV for so long it appeared I had an intimate knowledge of the virus.
-When he explained that he'd just come out of a long term relationship, attempted to high five him.
-Refused to walk him home stating, "This is the wrong way round."
-Poured Snakebite over my head when I saw him talking to another girl.
-Performed my imitation of Kermit the Frog.
Ok, I could really do with some work. Here are some of my many skills:
-Researching (pretty much anything)
-Contributor finding for TV
-Editing (iMovie, Avid Xpress Pro)
-Writing scripts (comedy, drama, VO)
-Logging (Avid and Nesbit)
-Filming assistant work
-Educational work (currently no CRB though)
-Basic knowledge of genetics
-Basic knowledge of Photoshop
-Knowing too much about Stephen King
If you would like to hire me for pretty much anything:
elise bramich @gmail. com
(remove the spaces)
2000 Was 15. Bad stuff happened.
2001 Was 16. Slightly better stuff happened.
2002 Was 17. Drawing a blank.
2003 Was 18. No idea.
2004 Was 19. Went to University.
2005 Was 20. Generally a good year.
2006 Was 21. Again, not recalling an awful lot.
2007 Was 22. Remember feeling really old.
2008 Was 23. Finally left University.
2009 Was 24. Had a lot of fun.
2010 Was 25. Plans for world domination completed.
2011 Suspended ageing process with gene therapy and science from Danny Boyle's Sunshine.
2012 Became Head of the BBC.
2013 Mastered Italian.
2014 Got my 9th PhD on the Open University.
2015 Opened florists.
2016 Gap year: travelled through Asia. Found myself in Goa.
2017 Had my 7th child. This one was a right prick.
2018 Invoked the secret rights of Ka-El-Samun.
2022 Cured cancer.
2023 Sectioned under a new charter of the mental health act drafted by my ex-husband.
2024 Railed against the dying of the light.
2025 Wore my trousers rolled.
2026 Married my robot butler.
2027 Robot butler runs off with Teasmaid.
2028 Visit the Moon.
2029 Visit Norfolk. Prefer it.
Last night my mum tried to book some tickets for a show but the box office was closed and the answer machine simply said we're shut but we open again just before performances.
She phoned back and left an angry message saying "HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW WHEN YOUR PERFORMANCES START?"
While she had a point there was no need to leave angry voicemail.
This morning she was railing at me for snapping at my scroungey uncle (eg. he asked to borrow my sax from my parents while I was at uni and sold it) when I haven't even spoken to him directly and the phone went.
"Hello... Oh... yes... last night...sorry"
The theatre had 1471ed her.
WIN MY LIFE
For my delictation, rather than probably yours, here is a complete list of everything I saw at Edinburgh this year:
Eva Hesse (never before displayed studio works [you could still see her thumb prints 30 years on])
The Enlightenments (new art based on Enlightenment themes: ukelele news performance was the best)
Arists Rooms (including Damien Hirst's classics, Celmins, Gallagher, Katz, Martin, Warhol, and Woodman)
Jane and Louise Wilson (film/photos based on Kubrick's unmade film The Aryan Papers)
Superclump (9 stand ups do sketches, then get swine flu)
Trevor Lock (Harry Hill meets Russell Brand with a 15 minute pause in the middle)
Twinge Party (Frisky and Mannish blow my pop mind; Princess Cabaret do the same song a lot; live comedy tweeting from Late Night Gimp Fight, Tony Cowards, Joey Lycett, Ewan Spence [I organised this bit])
Andrew O'Neill (exquisitely good stand up with enough puns to kill a horse)
Silent Disco (MEH)
Chris Cox (I've worked out how it was all done except one trick: how does he force Peter [not as rude as it sounds, but I do <3 Cox])
Pink Bus (lots of hot young comedians on a hot pink bus filled with charity shop detritus [Max and Ivan shone out])
Rich Hall (slick comedy while being dive-bombed by two moths)
Late Night Gimp Fight (perfectly pitched late night sketches... and gimps)
Tommy and the Weeks (one of my absolutely favourite shows- I <3 the ghost in Tom Bell's hair)
Fucking Funny for a Fiver (I can't remember any of this)
The Fix Presents (the editor of The Fix drains any good will from the room then forces Tim Key to perform to our soulless corpses)
For One Night Only (comedy from acts called Tom [Basden did his rude set because his girlfriend was there])
Idiots of Ants (Brilliant, slick, effortless: might as well have been on TV)
Twitter Comedy (Tiernan Douieb showcases basically everybody on the fringe in an epic 2 hour gig of technical difficulties and Michael Legge wanking)
Stand Up Poetry (Laura Dockerill takes my heart in a stunning performance, Luke Wright, Phill Jupitus and Andre from Early Edition do some poems)
Robin Ince's free show (Absolute genius: a perfect show)
Random night of Cabaret in Assembly Rooms (I didn't see a man drag a string of uninflated balloons through his nostrils, I did see wonderful cabaret songs about death and fell in love with Frisky)
Guilty Pleasure (Jen and I danced like fools and an actor bought us a drink)
Alex Maple (there was free chocolate and Alex spent most of the show trying to get himself arrested by the policeman in the front row)
David O'Doherty (a lovely, friendly hour: not enough songs)
Marcus Brigstocke (Pitch perfect, anti-religion argument that then cops out)
Karaoke Circus (best show at the fringe: Ince singing Cococabana indelibly etched in my ear drums, Herring's Sparks cover best left alone)
Tom Bell (you're in safe and loving comedic hands, but the mic cable is in a puddle, Tom)
Mike Wozniak (didn't laugh much at the time but giggling like a fool about it for 3 days afterwards: slow burner)
Jon Richardson's Radio 6 show (Micky Flanagan, Jack Whitehall [fit but standard comedy], Dead Cat Bounce [Irish comedy rock], and for no reason Malcolm Middleton)
Comedy Countdown (second best show of the fringe: Wozniak's chemical symbol won my heart, Ed Aczel's world weary winning was lovable, Dan Atkinson's drunk presenter was drunk, and Sinha as Carol inspired)
Matt Kirshen (wonderful storytelling, but I'm still shorter than Napoleon)
King of Everything (indulgent but very funny)
Fergus Craig (lovely show- not enough Neighbours clips!)
Bourgeois and Maurice (stunning cabaret, excellent video: let Maurice sing!)
Bridget Christie (the touch of lee makes this AMAZING: Christie deserves more attention)
A Slight Dangerous Comedy Occasion (I watched Ivo Graeme shave all of Ben Target's beautiful hair off and I almost cried)
Pappy's Fun Club (the best show on and off the fringe but with Advocaat. I can still taste the rotten stuff).
The Hotel (last ever show, completely chaotic, brilliant [the interview was especially funny])
I've worked out I saw over 100 comedians do at least 5 mins of material each, and I saw still more drunkenly babbling in Brookes.
I performed in over 20 Hotel shows and my throat is still sore from shouting "THIS ADMIN CENTRE HAS BEEN APPROVED OF BY INTERNATIONAL POP SENSATION CHER".
I have come back inspired, hopeful, dedicated and in love with the city of Edinburgh. Ladies and gentlemen, that was the best month of my life to date.
Watch the first 10 mins of The Culture Show to see a bit of the show I'm in: Mark Watson's The Hotel.
NB It's nothing like Hostel which was quite literally a load of w@nk.
Festbuzz is collating reviews from the public at this year's Edinburgh fringe. So if you've seen a show and feel like tweeting about it add #festbuzz at the end to make sure the site picks it up!
You can also just tweet about Edinburgh in general and add the #festbuzz tag- the site is about crowdsourcing the mood up here. And currently the mood is lovely!