I have a new coat. It is massively lovely. I hope to emulate it in every way. There is however, a small problem with the Massively Lovely Coat. It has no real pockets.
It has fake ones, don't worry. No coat would be replete these days without extraneous buttons and elaborately stitched but ultimately futile pocket flaps. However, it has no real pockets within or without. This provides both positive bonuses and negative flaws.
On the plus side: I no longer ever have to worry about picking up my coat, usually from the pub floor where I have been carefully storing it in a puddle of Staropramen, and flinging vast quantities of coins, shrapnel, food stuffs and things I have purloined, every which way. This is a great pleasure for me, as this was my usual experience with every other coat I have owned.
On the down side: I no longer have a coat with pockets. All my important belongings (see above) now have to be contained within a bag. No problem, I hear you cry, buy a bag. Thanks; like I would have never figured that out on my own; you're invaluable. And patronising.
The big question comes with where to store my phone. My bag is not secure enough, not even with all my important belongings to weigh down the more useful items that might lurk within it. Also, my phone plays music (this IS what the future is for) so I need it to be readily accessible should it play music I don't like (this is the future, but there's no technology yet that will stop me flooding my devices with mp3s of songs I don't like). The obvious solution is to keep my phone in my bra.
I have a long history of storing stuff in my bra: money, mp3 players, lipbalms, memos to remind me to wash once in a while, my breasts. But storing a phone this cumbersome in there has become tiresome. Especially having to rummage around in my brassiere while on public transport. Some people look overly offended, while others, overly interested. What's a modern girl to do?
It's tempting to throw the towel in to that new puddle of Staropramen and admit fate: the Massively Lovely Coat doesn't perform adequately. It should be got rid of. But that just causes more problems. If I don't have a coat, my phone-bra interactions will be all the more obvious to the public. So, you see, I'm rather much caught between a rock and a hard place here.
NONE of this would be a problem if society were just a bit more tolerant.